Reflections from 2020

Self-Assessment
I have a lot of work to do. The goal that I want to accomplish more than any other is to get conversationally fluent so that I can engage with people without the usual starting and stopping. There are entire fields of interest (i.e. music production) that I have no usable vocabulary for.

One of the largest sources of misunderstanding comes from the classical Chinese references to literature and idioms.

The eternal struggle is getting fluent now or seeing Mandarin as a life-long pursuit (especially considering the extent of some of the other goals in my life). Part of me wants to be successful and the other part of me doesn't want to reach the goal too quickly.

It's really strange being at this point in the Mandarin journey. It feels like I am finished and at the same time like I haven't started. I am so familiar with the language that sometimes I forget I am engaging with it and other times I am completely lost and can't form the correct words to speak. Sometime in the near future I am planning to sit down and write out goals for where this journey will go next. I have filmed a video for the fourth year and in the next day or so will film year five but I think those videos won't be released until much later.

Study Habits

All of my 'studying' is at this point native exposure. I spend about two hours everyday watching TV with subtitles. During taxi/bus rides and during long runs I usually put on the local Xiamen radio station. My listening has, in my opinion, always been the weakest aspect of my Mandarin ability. When listening to the radio I usually listen for a few minutes at a time before my brain checks out. I let the mind wander for a few minutes and then return attention to the audio. In this way, it feels not quite as efficient as watching TV where you can listen and read for hours without fatigue.

Difficulties

A large part of my life is in English. I don't think that will ever change and I'm always trying to determine when/how/if Mandarin will ever be that important. It still hasn't risen above the level of a personal hobby and my progress feels like a clear reflection of that fact. Many of the goals that initially started me on this journey have already been completed and now I am working on maybe just one or two (i.e. reading Daoist literature, completing goals for completeness sake).